Calling all scaredy-cats! (Those who are not fearful, or who do not want to participate in mass hyteria, need not apply)
Are we in a state of fear? If you are unsure of the answer, simply turn on your television. Fear mongering is the new media buisness plan.To hear the media tell it we're all going to die in a horrible 21st century black death that will sweep the world. They have moved away from informing the people and have moved toward finding the things that frighten people to the deepest places of their subconscious. Let's take a walk down recent media hysteria lane.
Ohh look at that house on Swine Flu Avenue, right next to the pretty one on Bird Flu Avenue. But wait! Did you see the one on Weapons of mass destruction road, or global warming place? How about the one on SARS dr? What you survived the supposed wold ending in Y2K? Oops sorry that was a minor mistake, the world is really ending in 2012.
Please be careful seeing as how everything causes cancer, cellphones, chocolate, household chemicals, microwaving your food in a plastic container and so on. Don't forget that you need to be scared that the government is spying on you through your cellphone. You must be afraid, (very afraid) of anything to do with airports and flying. It is in your best interest to be terrified of the recession.
After all it is guarenteed that the government is spying on you, foreclosure will claim your house, and while you are living under a bridge you will contract bird flu, that you won't be able to go to the doctor for because you have no health insurance (thanks to the government), your bird flu will morph into swine flu, you will have taken so many sick days that your job will have fired you. Since you are homeless, you will have to eat the food that you can find out of cans, and therefore will catch cancer from the metal, you will grow a beard so long that the FBI will add you to their terrorist watch and Do not fly list and your body odor alone will kill all the polar bears in Antartica and speed up global warming. Global warming will then cause it to snow in August, which then will cause you to slowly freeze to death under your bridge. The lastest family to have misfortune hump their leg, and lost their home and job will occupy your cardboard box under the bridge. Due to them having no income and therefore no food, plus several years prior they caught cancer from using toilet tissue that mutated them into flesh loving zombies, they will roast your now lifeless body over an open fire and consume it with a side of A-1 steak sauce, that they randomly found. But wait! The bottle of A-1 sauce was planted there by a terrorist government and really had a bomb in it. The whole world has now blown up.
Are you in a state of fear yet?
If not, turn on the TV or read the paper, the media can do a better job of it. They practice everyday.
Ohh look at that house on Swine Flu Avenue, right next to the pretty one on Bird Flu Avenue. But wait! Did you see the one on Weapons of mass destruction road, or global warming place? How about the one on SARS dr? What you survived the supposed wold ending in Y2K? Oops sorry that was a minor mistake, the world is really ending in 2012.
Please be careful seeing as how everything causes cancer, cellphones, chocolate, household chemicals, microwaving your food in a plastic container and so on. Don't forget that you need to be scared that the government is spying on you through your cellphone. You must be afraid, (very afraid) of anything to do with airports and flying. It is in your best interest to be terrified of the recession.
After all it is guarenteed that the government is spying on you, foreclosure will claim your house, and while you are living under a bridge you will contract bird flu, that you won't be able to go to the doctor for because you have no health insurance (thanks to the government), your bird flu will morph into swine flu, you will have taken so many sick days that your job will have fired you. Since you are homeless, you will have to eat the food that you can find out of cans, and therefore will catch cancer from the metal, you will grow a beard so long that the FBI will add you to their terrorist watch and Do not fly list and your body odor alone will kill all the polar bears in Antartica and speed up global warming. Global warming will then cause it to snow in August, which then will cause you to slowly freeze to death under your bridge. The lastest family to have misfortune hump their leg, and lost their home and job will occupy your cardboard box under the bridge. Due to them having no income and therefore no food, plus several years prior they caught cancer from using toilet tissue that mutated them into flesh loving zombies, they will roast your now lifeless body over an open fire and consume it with a side of A-1 steak sauce, that they randomly found. But wait! The bottle of A-1 sauce was planted there by a terrorist government and really had a bomb in it. The whole world has now blown up.
Are you in a state of fear yet?
If not, turn on the TV or read the paper, the media can do a better job of it. They practice everyday.
posted by Erin at
9:36 AM
2 Comments:
First of all, let me just start by saying that I LOVE your satirical and witty style of writing. Your blog was so entertaining and enjoyable to read. I completely agree with every thing you have stated above! Despite the media's valiant efforts to convince me that a villain lurks behind every corner, I am not in a state of fear. I am a little bit to old to believe that there are monsters in my closet and underneath my bed. Like Dorothy Thompson once said, "There is nothing to fear except the persistent refusal to find out the truth, the persistent refusal to analyze the causes of happenings."
Thanks Cassandra! :)
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